So the other night I took a Plan B pill for the first time in six years.
Wait, let’s back up. I’m on the birth control pill and am pretty darn good at taking that every morning with my tea. I totally get that the pill is not for everyone, but it works really well with my body. I don’t have many side effects, and it actually makes that-time-of-the-month a bit more pleasant. Not all of the birth control pills I’ve taken work this well for me, but two out of three did and I’d say that’s a pretty good average.
Typically, I don’t get that nervous if I forget to take it for a day. It’s not all that unusual, especially on weekends, but I’ve done the research and know that that doesn’t increase the likelihood of an unplanned pregnancy much at all. I try to not let that happen, but I’m not a wreck if it does. Over Thanksgiving weekend, though, with my schedule totally out the window, I got extra sloppy and was pretty darn late twice taking the pill. I realized that late at night, and right after I took them I was lying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking, “I really don’t want a kid right now.”
Honestly, it really pisses me off when family members or friends make cracks about me wanting kids. I DON’T FUCKING WANT A KID. Just because my boyfriend and I have been together for almost six years and I have two animals does not mean I want a naked, screaming baby.
Mostly I just think kids are okay. My half brother was born when I was 11 years old, so I have a pretty good idea of how much is involved. I’m sure it’s magical or whatever when it’s your own baby, but I don’t have any illusions of how expensive, time consuming, and exhausting it is. And honestly, it’s a lot of responsibility. When you have a kid, your own wants and needs take a backseat to your baby’s and I’m so not ready to do that. I might never be ready to do that.
Anyways, I’m staring at the ceiling thinking about how I really don’t want a kid, but also how the likelihood of me actually getting pregnant is probably, most likely pretty small. My birth control pill has never failed me before, despite the occasional mess-ups. Plan B is really kind of expensive (what’s with that anyways?) and it can have some icky side effects. But on the other hand, I’m terrified of missing that time of the month, taking a test, and then needing to make some really big decisions.
I’m not going to get too deep into my moral and political views here, but to put it bluntly, I’m pro-choice. I don’t believe life starts at conception, so within reason, I don’t think abortions are abominable. I think most of the people making decisions about women’s rights over their bodies are a lot of old, white men, and that really pisses me off (especially when they’re all “pro family” but then caught driving their daughter across state lines to have an abortion).
But even though I believe in a woman’s right to choose, it’s not a choice I would make lightly at all. My boyfriend’s feelings would need to be taken into account, and since he was also an “oops child” and loves kids, he’d probably be pretty pro-baby. And I think he would make a really great dad, whether we’d be able to stay together for the next 18 years or not. But I’m not ready to move in with my mom or his mom and give up my career and my home and my friends. That’s a whole lot of sacrifice, because I love my life like it is right now and we both have too much ahead of us.
So that’s why I woke up the next morning, put some pants on, and drove to the pharmacy to buy a Plan B pill. Most likely, I didn’t need it. There are a lot of other things I would have loved to buy with that $40. But it’s a whole lot cheaper than a baby.